GIVE UP or GIVE IN?
by billabong100
Summary: Certain events affect you and change you in ways you can't always see... The death of the flower girl changed both Cloud and Tifa. Human nature moves along however it doesn't let humans move on that easily. Are they going to be frozen forever or will changes stir up things. Heartbreak, angst, and romance were always part of the deal. CloTi. Every flower eventually withers.


GIVE UP or GIVE IN?

I watched FFIV last night and just had to write about Cloud and Tifa, they are my favorite type of couple.

In this fanfic they might be a bit out of character cause I haven't played the games so I don't have complete understanding of them. If they diverge too much from their nature please let me know. Also I might portray the characters a little darker than real, so that isn't me bashing the characters its just me trying to highlight a darker side.

The content of the first two to three chapters will be incoherently placed because they are representative of the confusion and turmoil in the characters feelings.

Black hair and crimson-brown eye's was all the slender, olive toned woman saw in the mirror. She let out a long sigh full of pent up frustration and anger. She looked again hoping to see something else, but the same worn out and tired face greeted her.

"Why?" She mumbled to herself, as a lone tear traced its way down her delicate cheek. The warmth of the tear teased her, it mirrored the heat she felt when certain strong arms cupped her face. The thought of him caused an unstoppable stream to pour out of her crimson orbs.

She controlled her sobs and that alone took all her mental strength, mental strength, which eroded with every passing day. Her annoyance at the entire situation caught up to her and she pushed down all the things on the wooden shelf next to the mirror. As soon as she had done it, she found herself kneeling on the floor collecting all her scattered belongings. Something sharp cut into her palms, and though it stung momentarily she found herself enjoying pain, after all she had gotten accustomed to that feeling being the only thing she felt. She looked at what had caused the red fluid to flow from her fingertips, shards of glass, shattered glass from an old snow globe.

As she stared at the broken snow globe, she felt a strange connection to it, not because of the memory it contained but because of how representative it was of her. A beautiful scenery to the eye, but shattered so easily, and even though the glass, its support and strength had shattered into pieces the scenery still remained, just like her smile that still lingered on her lips.

She used her bloodstained hands to wipe her tears, the blood smearing all over her cheeks, giving the illusion of a strong blush. She went into her bathroom and splashed cold water onto her face. The water seemed to rejuvenate her, and as the last drops of water pulled into the drainage they took her tears with them.

She looked into the mirror above the sink and saw her face, the one thing she hated the most about herself cause every time the blond looked at her he seemed to look past her as if trying to look for brown and green. She shook her head vigorously _Ofcourse he thinks about her, ofcourse he only looks for her, he feels about her, the way I feel about him._

She looked into the mirror and plastered on that sweet smile she had spent years perfecting, the only difference was a few years ago she had reasons to smile. Everyone else's smiles had faded over time and she knew she couldn't let hers disappear cause that's the only thing, which held everyone together. She was proud and a bit conceited about this particular ability of her's, this ability to keep people together made all her pain bearable.

Tears seemed to be fighting their way to the brim of her eyes.

"NO TIFA YOU CAN'Y CRY" she chided herself.

"You have to support Cloud, he might not know it but he needs you to be there, just be there no matter what he does. Tifa you have to be strong, strong like you have always been, you have to continue to give him everything you got, even if he gives you nothing. How can you even expect him to give you anything he just lost the one thing he loved the most. Tifa you know him, he'll just push everyone away so you just have to flash him your smile even if he's secretly crushing your heart ok?" She clutched the excess material of her clothing near her chest, but then looked into the mirror and nodded with false conviction, in answer to her question.

She had convinced Cloud to move back in, hoping a family could heal some part of his mourning heart. She had told herself she had made the decision based on all the right intentions but it haunted her every night.

The subconscious never lies, and her subconscious knew that her convincing Cloud to move in was her last desperate attempt to make him fall in love with her and it mocked her wickedly every night.

Something moved in a nearby room, Denzel was up. Tifa knew she had to go do her job. The sun was streaming in brightly through her window and she knew a new day had dawned, a new day always meant another day of blissful torture. Bliss being Cloud's presence and torture being his indifference.

A small part of her heart hoped he would just forget Aerith and notice she was always there and that was the reason she hadn't allowed herself to move on. She sometimes thought of doing these rash things just so he would notice her and maybe express some emotion for her but the spirit of her soul never allowed her to self-destruct.

She heard a second set of footsteps followed by hearty laughter. Marlene was up and the kids would expect breakfast and she would have to deliver.

She looked into the mirror one last time and saw this ugly, jealous, detestable girl looking back at her. Years of emotional turmoil had left her as only a shell of her previous self.

A smile crossed over her passive features and she tied her hair up in a lose bun and headed downstairs. Seeing the faces of her kids filled her with a very momentary sense of joy.

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_Ok so this is the first chapter, its more of a reflection on Tifa and how disoriented she is despite her put on bravado. It also highlights that Tifa has fallen apart and is having problems accepting the changes that have occurred in herself._

_Review to let me know if you liked it. _


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